Tuesday, May 13
Wanted: Angry Natives
While the Guvnah was busy tidying up the sand of Saint Kitt Island, he was surprised by the sole surviving...er...remaining aboriginal inhabitant, Dr. Oogah Boogah, of the Witch variety. Judging from his bleached bones that rose from the depth of the lagoon, Dr. Boogah had been waiting a long time for visitors indeed.
It took a bit to overcome the language barrier and dispensing of the traditional threats and demand for sacrifices to throw in the Volcano. The arrival of Mr. Hassanov ("the machete-skin kettle man")quickly convinced him to take a more diplomatic tack. Dr. Boogah settled for a crate of Caledonian Tea and ceramic teapot, as well as a crate of ice-packed Kintyre Chocolate.
Guvnah Shang graciously granted Dr. Boogah the title of Regional Guvnah. Dr. Boogah in turn gave the Guvnah a very long ceremonial title roughly translating to "Nice White Chief Who Dresses Too Hot With Sheep Hair Around Torso and Dead Sea Snake Around Neck."
The Guvnah suggested Dr. Boogah "dig up" some more natives to add local color to the expanding crown colony. He would even supply a stake and cauldron for Caledonians wishing to experience an authentic Crown Native Greeting and Feast. All Dr. Boogah managed to recover at the time were a few moai.
Having experience with Angry Natives myself of the torch-and-pitchfork-wielding variety I was a bit unnerved to learn of this proposal, but I do agree it's good for Tourism. We could export them, dress them in grass skirts and trade the pitchforks for machetes. We would need a name for this group. Caledon Angry Native Mob?